


don't you get hurt

by smallredboy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, Gay John Laurens, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 06:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11709075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: Five times John Laurens had to deal with his sexuality, one way or another.





	don't you get hurt

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in like an hour i didnt proofread a lot but i fucking love gay laurens
> 
> enjoy

i.   
"I think I'm gay," he tells his younger sister one night, after their dad is off to bed and they're the only ones left awake. She needs sleep, but she tends to stay up with him.

Martha blinks at him a few times, as if taking the information in. She doesn't seem disgusted, and it makes him feel not so close to panic. He knows how much his father hates gay people. "I never saw you interested in girls," she says quietly, and she goes back to her book.

John stares at her, trying to understand her reaction. She didn't seem phased, as if this was old news. He hasn't tried to hide his lack of interest in women, his dad making excuses for it to his friends. But he didn't expect his sister to react like that— or rather, not react at all. "You don't... you don't think it's bad?"

"Dad does," she replies. "I don't. I saw this... uh, eight grader kissing another boy. I made a bit of research afterwards." She looks at her brother with a soft smile, and he feels like a heavy weight just got lifted off his chest. At least one person in his family supports him.

John breathes in relief, and he envelops her into a hug. "Thank you, Martha. Thank you so much." She's only in fifth grade, and yet she seems so much better than the rest of his family.

Martha only smiles and pulls away from him. "I'll always support you, Jack."

John tears up and he clings into his sister for a split second before letting himself get off her. "I'll go to bed. You need to sleep too."

"Alright then! Good night, Jacky."

"Good night, Martha." He can't help but smile as he goes to bed.

ii.   
When the GSA is introduced to his high school, John is scared. He doesn't know if he needs parents permission, and if he does he can't join at all. But then a boy with long brown hair that talks hurriedly tells him it's free to join, he breathes in relief.

He drums his fingers againat the table they're all sitting around. A senior whose name is Charles Lee is sitting in front of him and he reeks of assholeish attitude. The long-haired boy is looking at him, though, and he's adorable.

"My name is Alexander," he introduces himself, shaking his hand.

"I-I'm John, it's a pleasure."

He introduces himself to the rest and he tries to remember their names. Gilbert, Maria, Eliza, James. He's pretty sure Maria and Eliza are holding hands under the table but he won't ask.

The teacher in charge of the club strolls in a few minutes a later, apologizing profusely. He doesn't have any hair and he looks quite nervous. "Hi, I'm Mr. Washington, I'll be in charge of you all in the GSA. Introduce yourselves, if you want to. Your pronouns would also be nice."

John decides Mr. Washington is the nicest teacher he's ever met just because of that short speech. Alexander is the first one to introduce himself.

"Hey, I'm Alexander, I'm in my sophomore year. I really like to write, and I'm very bi. Not really have a preference. I'm from Puerto Rico too, and uh, my pronouns are he him."

Alexander sits down on his chair again as everyone looks at him with interest; Gilbert seems very curious. "I'm Gilbert Lafayette, it's a pleasure," he says then, and John notices his French accent. "I'm an exchange student from France. I— I'm not sure about my sexuality, but I know I'm not straight." He laughs shortly, fixing his ponytail. He sounds nervous. "My pronouns are he him, but I'm not cis, so, yeah."

John decides to be brave for once and say what he wants to say. "I'm John, I'm a junior, I— I'm..." it suddenly feels like such a big deal his head feels heavy. He tries to remember everyone in the room supports him. That they aren't like his dad. "I'm gay. Uh. Yeah." Alexander smiles at him and Gilbert gives him a thumbs up.

"You nervous, John?" Maria asks, raising her eyebrows. He breathes deeply. "Don't worry, we won't judge here."

We won't judge here.

The thought is calming.

iii.   
His first kiss isn't with a boy as he always dreamed of. Maybe he hesitantly went to a party thrown by this senior, Hercules Mulligan, and ended up cornered by this girl that doesn't look like she's giving up.

"You're very haaandsome, John," she draws the a in handsome before kissing up at him, and he feels how he starts sweating more than he already was.

He gulps. "I— please, I don't..."

"Oh, shut up, baby," she tells him, and John can't help but feel like his guts twist when she calls him baby.

The meeting of their lips is... wet. John would describe it as that. Warm and wet. She moves her lips, her hands digging into his outgrown hair, not held in a ponytail for once. John breathes through his nose as he closes his eyes, but he doesn't enjoy it. It feels... weird.

When she pulls away, his head is spinning and he turns around and runs for the men's restroom. He sees Gilbert in the door, looking anxiously from side to side. "You can enter, they won't say anything," he tries to calm him down although his heart is pounding.

Gilbert looks at him gratefully as he steps inside. John enters too, and he's quick to look at the mirror there with the faucets. He looks messy as hell, his curly hair going everywhere. His forehead is coated in sweat.

"John!" Fuck, it's Alex.

John turns around; he didn't know Alexander had come to the party. He looks near to him in the mess-o-meter. "Hey."

"You alright?" Alexander looks at him with concern, probably because he looks like he just ran a marathon.

John shrugs. "Some girl kissed me. It was my first kiss. It was just... wet. I didn't feel shit. First kisses are a scam."

Alexander's eyes shine with something similar to amusement. "Or maybe it's just because you're gay."

John lets himself grin. "Probably."

"Can fix your kiss problem, though."

John almost chokes on his own spit with the indirect yet obvious proposal. "Alex, I."

"I like you, dude." Alexander looks mildly embarrassed by his confession, and John feels warm inside because God he's loved him since day one.

John can't help but answer with a sarcastic "Bro..."

Alexander rolls his eyes, but he's smiling like an idiot. "You set the mood off, bitch."

John laughs, and Alexander does too. The atmosphere feels a lot lighter, and John forgets he's in a dirty rest room for a second. "Kiss me then, Romeo."

His second kiss feels like heaven compared to his first. Alexander pushes his hand in between John's locks, smiling as their noses bump. He chuckles, and John feels his heart skip a beat. "Co-come on, Alex."

It feels like an eternity before Alexander leans to the side and their lips meet, although for a second it feels like they're smiling pressed together rather than kissing. Alexander moves his lips slowly, growing closer to John as he feels knots form around his belly.

He's in _god-fucking-damn_ love, he realizes. When Alexander pulls away, he's smiling brightly, and he could outshine the sun. "This just proved the fact I'm gay further."

Alexander laughs, and it rings on his ears. "Love you too."

Their hands meet and he feels his cheeks heat up as Alexander holds his hand. "Are we— I've never had a boyfriend before. Unless you count two month relationships through the Internet."

"I've had a bunch of those, I think they count. Can— can I kiss you again?" he looks so adorably nervous.

"Yeah."

His third kiss is probably the best thing that has ever happened to him.

iv.   
John expects the worst when a picture of him holding hands with Alexander gets posted on one of his classmates' Instagram. It spreads like wildfire, and when he goes downstairs for dinner he fears he's going to get yelled at.

"How's your boyfriend doing?" his dad asks, and John almost straight-up dies.

He isn't able to form coherent sentences for a solid minute as his mom puts his food in the table and he sits down and looks at it. "I thought... I thought you'd react... not okay," he manages to say.

His dad beams at him, and John is half-expecting this to be an act. "I changed my views, son." He says it as if it's nothing, but John feels his brain short circuit. "You're okay in my eyes." He smiles welcomingly. "What's your boyfriend's name? You should bring him here sometime."

John blushes deep red and he stutters out Alexander's name. He feels like this is just one of his rare good dreams, where he's dreaming everything is alright. But he's sure it isn't; all can be alright in real life, too.

"But in all seriousness," his mom starts. Her voice is sincere. "We're proud of you. I know you must've been scared, but we'll accept you. Right?"

"Always!" Martha exclaims. She's in sixth grade now, she's growing up, but she's still as adorable as ever.

"We'll support you, Jack," his dad nods.

John feels fuzzy inside and he starts to eat quickly before going off to the sofa and texting his boyfriend. He's so glad nothing bad happened; he was so scared.

v.   
"I love being gay," John says during his first pride parade. The sun is scorching, June temperature making him feel like he's on fire.

Alexander smacks his lips against his and holds his hand as they walk along with the rest of the people. "I'm glad you do, my love."

John knows it isn't as easy for him becuase of his sexuality, but he loves the feeling of empowerment he gets from Pride Month, the sense of worth when people accept him wholly.

"DON'T ASK WHAT'S IN OUR PANTS!" Gilbert screams at the top of his lungs.

John looks at Alexander and he laughs before Alexander kisses him fervently. He feels so free from just walking amongst other people like him, men who love other men. It's beautiful— it makes his chest stir.

He smiles and he looks at the signs around him. Gay sex isn't sinful, we aren't just anal, and such. He hardens his grip on Alexander's hand, but he doesn't complain. He loves how Alexander is, in such a way it hurts.

They walk until their knees give out, Gilbert yelling about trans rights until a senior, Hercules, gets into a fight with some guy for yelling back at the sophomore.

"I love being gay," John says after the march finishes, Pansy Division playing their song 'That's So Gay' up on the stage. He knows he's being truthful, and he's so glad he's learned to love himself for who he is over the years. 


End file.
